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| Okay, I'm a little nervous.
I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that leads to total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
When it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
Done being nervous. Now I'm just cold.School starts today. In 15 minutes, I have to leave on my bike. I'm glad it's not cold yet. I think I'm ready for the flak... because there will inevitably be flak. That's what kids do: They're fucking vicious. I think I'm over it, though. I won't let it bother me.
Carmageddeon
The good news is I have Driver's Ed after school. WHEE!
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| Repost for Monday, August 8, 2005. Accidentally marked it private.
Speed
It amazes me how fast a single person can grow on me. I've known of
her for a long time, but I only began talking with her in... June?
Goddess, was it May? It doesn't feel like that long. time flies when
you're having fun. Perhaps lacking points of reference has something to
do with it, too. It's funny, though... from acquiantance to friend to
limerent to... I'm not quite certain. All in three months. I'm no
socialite; I have no point of reference to tell me how fast or slow
this has developed. I can't stop thinking about her, though. Part of me
is sickened by it: so sappy! But another part of me is delighting in
ever second of it. She keeps me up at night, whether she's on the other
end of a window or not, and I even found her in a dream. Dreams are
something new. I don't dream often.
Honesty and openess feel so
dangerous. I hope to Goddess I don't scare her. That's another new
thing: worrying. About her, specifically. About her well-being. About
her happiness. Foolish, I suppose... after all, what can I do but offer
advice? She doesn't seem like the kind of person that seeks advice from
others. She's made the worth living, though... I wonder if she
understands how much I appreciate her existence and friendship.
Sore
You're probably tired of hearing about the sappy bits. Jealous bastards! 
So, I biffed two Mai Sutemis (front falls) and two Ushiro Sutemis
(backward falls) at Jujitsu today, trying to do something complicated.
I landed twice on my kneecaps and twice flat on my back. The latter
just gave me a very mild concussion. The former I'm going to be feeling
for days... Ow.
Sound
So, who's heard of Faithless? I like their noise. The lyrics are new and exciting and the voice is so soothing...
Skill
We won the match yesterday on Zatar Wetlands. Much pwnage! We're now 1-1 on CAL and are therefore in 15th place. Not bad for the beginning of the season. We're 1-0 on TWL and are therefore ranked 6th.
I
checked out the DS server... 64 players on 32 player maps? Ugh. It was
funny to see DS soldiers pushed to the bottom of the scoreboard after
hearing Tim rave so much about them. There was one DS of maybe 5 that I
saw doing very well. I was disappointed.
Site
The business, prgmr.com,
is coming along well. My brother and I almost have billing up, and we
fixed a handful of vulnerabilities we discovered. I also blacklisted
some brute forcers. Anyway, I'm all written out. That's what's up in my
world.
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Mahatmas Gandhi | | |
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Here's to a happy ending. Cheers!
I find it funny that she asked me if it was her after reading
this post, but not any others. I wonder if she realizes it's her
decision...
I refuse to let it drag me down, though. She'll requite it, or she won't. There's only two directions from here: Forward and Up.
>Edit: Wow, that sounds confrontational o.o I didn't mean it to, either. Another promise to myself, I s'pose.
Website
Vaeracity
is a fucking ghost town. Heh. I long for the summer during the school
year, and then it comes and I remember why I hate it so...
However,
in other news, prgmr.com is nearing completion. The home page has been
up for a while, and I've got 4 of 7 product pages done (though not
uploaded, and therefore not live/active). Ah, excitement!
Angry Music Makes Me Happy
I
obtained a copy of Linkin Park's Meteora and Hybrid Theory. Hot damn, I
dig their noise. I'm slightly annoyed they don't have happier lyrics...
most of them are angry or sad. Might anyone know of anything that
sounds similar, happy or otherwise?
Also, I'm not certain, but I'm 91% confident that Session was on a Matrix sountrack CD. Might anyone know?
"Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone-but not
the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding." - Bette Davis | | |
| Temporary Insanity
I'm not sure what I was trying to say with
this post. Perhaps it was to reassure myself. However, seeing it later
made me feel guilty... it felt like a bloody threat when that wasn't
what I intended. I suppose I just meant it as sort of one of those:
"Hello, my name is..." stickers. A post to let my limerent know of my
limerence, sort of a "Hello, I think I'm in love with you..." sticker.
...Do those exist? Heh. That would be so sad...
Commercializing love and all, as was done to the emo scene...
Life is what you make it... kinda like play-doh. | | |
| Infatuations II
Well, PS sort of fell through. The Warrior Nation Planetside outfit is in tatters. That is to say, it's lacking horribly in population. Battlefield 2 is lots of fun, though! Tim got Lance Corporal, BUT, I've got badges for almost all kits, helicopter, transport, plane, and parachute. Whoo! Best of all, though, is the girl. Sappy? Sure, but she's downright delightful. She's fun to be around, very intelligent, and she makes me smile. I already cherish her. That's what counts, ne?
Vaeracity
I have no idea how to breathe life back into this thing. The chatroom's up, but hardly anyone visits it. Downward spiral...
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